approval.

My hope and prayer behind this post is to encourage you by telling some of my story:

Before Jesus was truly in charge of my life, when I was still doing things "Caleb's way," I struggled with one sin more than the rest: approval. I've always desired it...

Approval of my family. My closest friends.

My teachers. Coaches. Pastors. Bosses. Co-workers. Subordinates.

The kids I work with... their families and friends. 

The list could go on... and on... and on... but I think you get the idea. 

But it was more than approval. It wasn't just that you accepted me... it's that I was at the TOP of your list. In other words, I felt that I should be the FAVORITE cousin. Your BEST friend. The IDEAL student or player or worker. The COOLEST counselor or teacher. I wanted your attention. And lots of it. And if someone or something else got more, it upset me. I suddenly felt that I needed to do something to get back to the top... to gain back that lost attention.

And it led to anxiety. High levels of it. I became obsessive. "What do they really think of me? What if they don't actually like me? They would rather hang out with someone else. I'll never be their favorite. What can I do to get them to like me more?"

But God used Scripture to really convict me. Galatians 1, in particular. Contextually, Paul was writing to the church in Galatia concerning false teachers who were perverting the Gospel. He knew his letter would upset some people but notice what he said in verse 10:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."

[Galatians 1:10]

No matter the purpose behind his letter, Paul's words in Galatians 1 convicted me. I knew I was trying to please people instead of serving an "audience of One." I realized I didn't need to be on the TOP of everyone's list. I just needed to serve the Lord with everything I had and not worry about the rest.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still human. I still struggle with sin. Every day actually. I still find myself seeking the approval of those around me sometimes. But when I do, I remind myself of Galatians 1 and 1 Peter 5...

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 

[1 Peter 5: 6-7]

So, I urge you to hide these verses in your heart. Don't forget them. You will struggle with sin but don't allow it to cause you anxiety. Remember your Salvation and the One you belong to. Nothing can provide more encouragement. 

singleness is not a disease.

If you know me well, you know I’ve been in a few weddings. And by few I mean that I could make my own version of “27 Dresses.” Friends love to say “always a groomsman, never the groom.” All of my best friends are either married, engaged or seriously dating someone. So naturally everyone believes I should be, too. I mean think about it…. You are supposed to meet your spouse in college and get married shortly after graduation, right? “The rest of your life” begins once you have a job and get hitched. Well this mindset is the reason for my frustration…

When did Christ stop being enough? Doesn’t my life belong to Him whether I’m single or married? When I stop finding my self-worth and fulfillment in Him, I have a serious problem.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I rejoice whenever friends get engaged or married and I’m truly honored to be a part of their big day. I, too, desire to one day be married and have children. But who says that has to be now? Or that I’ve missed my “window of opportunity” by finishing college and still being single?

Honestly, there are days I’ve wondered why I haven’t found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve found myself living like I’m waiting for someone to arrive. Society (even Christian society) treats singleness as the waiting room for marriage. And that mindset has trickled down to me.

But that isn't how I should think. And neither should you. When did singleness become a disease that needs a cure?

People told me “Caleb, you’re gonna move to Houston and find your wife!” Many of those same people are shocked that I’ve been in Texas for a year now and I’m still single. I didn’t move to Houston to find a wife. I moved to Houston to serve the Lord of my life. If I find a wife in the process, great. If not, great.  

Whether I’m single for another week or for the rest of my life, I will treat it as a gift. I plan to wake up every day excited to spend it with my Creator. What else do I need?